A new chapter, again

I just moved to SF this week for law school! Its been a crazy mental transition, and Im finally feeling well settled and genuinely excited for whats coming up next in my life, namely law school. First and foremost though, I took some pictures of my new crib and I wanted to post em up here.

This is the entrance to the apartment. We are the bottom of a three unit building in the sunny Mission neighborhood of SF.

The entrance is a narrow hallway, which is a good representation of what the entire layout is like. Narrow and long with the rooms on either side of the hallway.

The living room.

My room from the doorway.

The other side of my room.

Among other things, I went to a little mixer last night put on by one of my fellow 1Ls. It was a chance for us to meet up informally before orientation. It was at Mr. Smiths, a club close to school and in the SoMa neighborhood. I'm not one to step out and meet people like that normally, but it was nice to see my fellow classmates and get to know about the people who will most likely go on to be colleagues and friends in the future. The club is a pretty nice spot with cheap and good drinks. I had, for the first time, a Basil Gimlet which is a variation of my favorite cocktail and it was delicious. The music was questionable; had me loving to hate it and hating to love it at times. Overall, a good night. It felt great to just walk out of the club, hop on BART, and be home in 15 minutes without having to even think about driving, parking, traffic, one time, or anything! Going out in SF is gonna be a lot of fun!

...keep it fresh

- Neil

It's not something I believe I can plan. I suppose that's because it cannot be tamed, cannot be controlled. As much as I may want it to happen to me, I don't know if it ever will. I live my life resisting the temptation to assume its occurrence at the same time trying not to be so arrogant as to question its existence. There have been a few times in my life when I thought I found it in another. Maybe I did. Life always seemed so much better in those days. But I always believed that once I found it, it would be permanent. That it would perpetuate infinitely. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps it comes and goes as the seasons, though not with the same certainty. I wish it were certain. Life seems so lifeless without it.

This morning I woke up longing for it, like I have many times before, feeling such an excruciating yet pleasurable pain in some invisible space in the center of my body. Nothing I did could take away that feeling, and in a strange way I did not want the feeling to go away. I imagine it is this very pain that hurts so much when I am without it that feels so good when I am with it. For even pain turns to pleasure in its presence. In its absence though, there is much that can go wrong. Envy fills the void, the antithesis to it. Fleeting and unstable yet so comforting in the exact moment, it eats away at my sanity interrupting the positive flow of my energy. Doubt makes an appearance with all its conceit, its self-righteousness slowly evaporating any sense of certainty and hope. One must have it before it can be shared with others, or with another.

I have so much to give, and no one to give it to.
I have so much to give, and am looking for the one to give it to.
I have so much to give, and want so much for someone to give it to.